Wedding Traditions in the Middle Ages: Good and Bad

People have wedding traditions all over the world. People also had wedding traditions in the Middle Ages.
Many of our modern wedding traditions came from the Middle Ages. That includes garters, flowers, and even the wording and positioning in marriage ceremonies today. They also had their traditions, expectations, and things that happened. Their marriages could be simple or lavish, have witnesses or none save God. The whole town cared about their marriages, specifically small ones. Marriage in the Middle Ages wasn’t too different from modern marriages.
What traditions do we use today, albeit adapted to our times? What was unique to wedding traditions in the Middle Ages?

Wedding Traditions in the Middle Ages: Leading Up

Some of the wedding traditions in the Middle Ages came earlier than the wedding itself! People didn’t get engaged; they became betrothed instead. Basically, it was the same thing to them. You couldn’t escape a betrothal without finding something against the marriage, like consanguinity or paying a heavy fine.

They put up a notice three weeks before their wedding. They also read the Banns (an oral proclamation). Then, people knew and could come forward if they knew of a reason to forbid the wedding. That included consanguinity (being too closely related.) If either of them had previously taken a religious vow, their marriage could not go forward either. Religious vows were the same as marrying God.

The Life of Blessed Saint Humility by Pietro Lorenzetti

Therefore, they couldn’t marry anyone else. Rape and adultery could also be grounds to prohibit marriage, though not as bad. No one could wed during fasting days such as Lent, Advent, or the days of the week set aside for fasting (see my post on Lent here). Sometimes before the wedding, the bride received a ring, and the groom got one of his beloved’s sleeves or socks. These were very personal items and prized, too.

Wedding Traditions in the Middle Ages: Ceremonies

Many traditions came on the day of the wedding. It would often be the first time a wealthy couple met each other. Love didn’t play much of a role. Love would grow with time, or at least a friendship or relationship based on mutual respect. Not all marriages were good, but not all were bad either.

They stood in front of the church. The woman would stand on the left side while the man stood on the right. Early in the middle ages, a priest was not required. A couple could say vows to each other, kiss, and consummate their marriage. Priests and witnesses were not necessary, just God. Later in the Middle Ages, a priest performed the union. No person that had killed another human could perform a marriage.

First, the priest asked everyone if there was a reason to prohibit marriage. Assuming no one spoke up, the priest then asked the couple. If everything checked out, the ceremony would continue. Someone read the bride’s dowry aloud or presented it to the groom. A dowry could include land, animals, money, items such as spoons, pots, and cloth, and whatever a parent would give to get a good husband for their daughter. The groom would hand a few coins to his bride to distribute to the poor.

The priest would say the vows, to which they both had to consent, then they would all enter for a meeting. The groom gave his bride a ring the priest blessed, though it would go on the right hand. The priest kissed the groom on the cheeks, and the groom kissed his new wife, transferring the kiss to her. The best man was the best swordsman a family could hire or access for the occasion. He kept the wedding from being interrupted.

Wedding Ceremonies: Hand-fasting

What is hand-fasting? It was a type of trial marriage. The couple married, in a way. It only lasted one year and one day. If their year-long marriage worked, the couple could make it permanent with a traditional ceremony. However, if the marriage was not working, it was easy to dissolve. They didn’t have to struggle to find a reason to justify splitting.

The ability to split was part of the contract. Then they could look for a new spouse without any legal problems. It was easy. However, they could not separate if they had children during the hand-fasting period. Therefore, men could not try out their wife’s ability to satisfy them and bear strong, healthy children. Eventually, hand-fasting fell out of practice.

Wedding Outfits

Today, brides wear gorgeous white dresses and veils and carry flowers. Grooms wear super fancy tuxedos or suits and wedding corsages. However, during the Middle Ages, poor brides did not have special dresses. They wore their best gown, often the one reserved for church.

A Royal Marriage

Wealthier women could afford to have a dress made for their wedding, but that would be part of her dowry and usually worn again. Articles of clothing were expensive. They also didn’t wear white. White was the color of mourning. Instead, they especially liked to wear green and blue. In the language of love, blue represented purity, and green denoted young love.

The Arnolfini Portrait by Jan van Eyck

Even if they didn’t wear a blue dress, brides and grooms liked to wear a blue ribbon because of its symbolism. Veils and garters were both parts of the women’s daily attire. Another hair option for the bride was leaving it loose for the last time. Once married, people could accuse them of having low morals or being witches if they let their hair down. They could wear a crown of flowers.

Garter Traditions

People believed the clothes a bride wore had a blessing on them. They would go crazy trying to get a piece of her clothing. They wanted the good luck that came from bridal attire. Eventually, they looked more towards the garters (Women had two. One for each leg to hold up her stockings.) They were a symbol of fertility.
The bachelor who got it would get a fertile and lovely wife soon.

There was also a myth that if a man gave a bride’s garter to the woman he loved, she would be faithful to him. Therefore, the bachelors would attack the bride and knock her over in the middle of the ceremony to get her garters. Finally, the tradition changed to having the groom remove the garters from his new wife and throw them to the waiting men after he was in his bridal chamber. It was a much better way to do it.

Wedding Traditions in the Middle Ages: Afterwards

Where did wedding receptions come from? One of the wedding traditions in the Middle Ages was the bridal ale. The couple and their guests would drink an ale made especially for the day. They would also have a big meal; it was common for the whole community to bring something to share. It was a great big potluck.

Other times the groom would pay for everything, partly because he had just taken a potential bride leaving the bachelors one less girl to marry. Sometimes the couple gave or received gifts. They might provide a present for the priest who performed the ceremony, to the best man, each other, and others might present something to them as well.

These traditions are a lot like the wedding reception most couples have nowadays. The whole community might help put them to bed, or they might be lucky enough to spend their first night together alone. A wealthier couple would have a huge feast, probably put on by themselves or their parents. They might also have their first night chaperoned by a priest. The priest would witness that the marriage was consummated and binding.

Expectations and Other Traditions

Some people think husbands and wives in the Middle Ages had no balance. They believe the husband had complete control over his wife. While this may have been true, in part, it isn’t all the way correct. While the husband did have some control over his wife, people expected him to be fair to her, and she had the right to demand sex or proper treatment.

Another misunderstanding stems from courtly love (see my post on courtly love here), basically a false, adulterous love. Authors highly idealized it. However, adultery was repugnant in daily life. People punished adulterers, and adultery was a reason to forbid marriage. Many people know about child marriages. However, the children did not have to do the duties that came with marriage.

Richard the Second and Isabella of Valois on their Wedding Day

No little kids had to have sex, though there are records of them both trying to consummate their marriage and attempting to keep their spouse out. Instead, they lived like normal kids. If royal children became child spouses, they would live in either the royal nursery or with a courtier. They were more like siblings, and a few records of child couples playing together like siblings come up.

Did a Wife Take her Husband’s Last Name?

Most of the time, women take their husbands’ last names when they marry. That wedding tradition was partly in the Middle Ages, though not as firmly set as today. Some women took their husbands’ last names, while others didn’t. However, people tried to keep a property in a family. Therefore, if the woman was an heiress, it was common for her husband to take her last name instead. Then the land remained in the same family with the same name.

Did you share any wedding traditions with people from the Middle Ages? What wedding traditions sounded crazy to you? Let me know in the comments! Also let me know if there is anything else you would like to learn.